Self-love sets boundaries; being a ‘little selfish’ often means saying no when something harms you. Boundaries protect your mental health and prevent resentment. Without them, kindness can turn into self-neglect.
Loving yourself is not about ego, it is about building self-respect. It isn’t about thinking you are better than others, it is believing you are worthy of care, rest and respect. That self-respect guides healthier choices in relationships, work and life. People who don’t value themselves often accept less than they deserve, whether it is poor treatment, overwork, or constant self-criticism. Self-love can help interrupt these cycles.
When you love yourself, you don’t need validation, approval or fixing from others. That leads to relationships based on mutual respect rather than dependency or sacrifice. You become a better example, as it teaches others that caring for yourself is normal and necessary, not selfish or shameful.
Whether you want to get fit, lose weight, tone-up, start a dance class, art class, or anything else, if you love yourself, you will invest in you, you will make the time to do what you love and enjoy doing for yourself. Learning to love yourself is not as easy as it seems when one is naturally of a kind selfless personality, as these kind people tend to put the things they love doing to one side because they think of the others around them, and what they should be doing to please them and keep them happy. This always comes back to haunt us eventually, and possibly with some resentment, with the ‘what it may have been like’ if I did XY or Z’ for myself.
When you constantly put yourself last, you eventually run out of patience and compassion. Loving yourself helps refill your emotional reserves so what you give to others comes from abundance, not exhaustion. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up as a fuller, happier, and more grounded version of who you are, not only for yourself but for everyone else.
It is only one life, we are not immortal here on earth, and we really should do what makes us happy in the here and now, however not so easy when you have family, friends that may require your regular attention, care and assistance.
Of course, there is a fine balance as we try to be so respectful of others, and almost selfless at times in catering to their needs and requirements, and then almost forgetting our own and pushing our own wants and desires to one side. Find the time for helping others but also make sure it is a mutually convenient time so it is done with good heart.
Being selfless is not always so good for us, as we may sacrifice things that are important for us to function happily and efficiently. How often do we see people running around so much after others, be it family or friends, and then being so exhausted with it all, that eventually their own health suffers, due to lack of sleep.
A helping hand of babysitting or stepping in to assist another, and taking care of someone else’s routine tasks, even for a short period of time, can just alleviate them from all the hard work, lightening that heavy load, allowing a little rest and recreation to recharge and gain strength again to continue with vigour and vitality and cope with all.
Find an equilibrium where you care for others, but also take time to care for yourself; taking good care of yourself is not being selfish, where you don’t think or care of anyone else but yourself, it is about putting yourself first in order that you are recharged, happy and have the energy where you can give your best to take even better care of others that you love.
Stay away from those that disrupt your harmony, are so selfish that there is no give and take, where they only think of themselves and what suits them for their own personal gain. Instead spend time with others that are humble, kind, and happy to help others as well as being kind to themselves.
Set boundaries, get clear on your limits, notice when you feel drained, resentful, anxious or uncomfortable. Those feelings point to where a boundary is needed. Decide what you need to feel respected or safe here? More time, less contact, clearer expectations, or a firm no. A little guilt or pushback is normal, someone’s reaction doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong.
Use “I” statements such as: “I am not available for that”, “That doesn’t work for me,” “I need time to think before committing.”
Find things you love to do for you, ask for assistance, respite from some things if needed, offer the same for others to give each other the time to do things necessary for personal growth and wellbeing. So, whatever it is that you want to do, find a way to do it, whether it is a gym class, a course of study to further progress a career or something for just pure creative leisure.
Have no regrets, it is all part of your health and wellbeing.
Love and Sparkles
Samsara x
www.samsarabellydancer.co.uk
Facebook: Samsara Kyriakou